Long Distance Woes

Long Distance Is Not Easy

January 22, 2022

No matter how long you’ve been at this, long distance relationships – mono or poly – are never easy.

Today one of my partners drove away and it sucked. There’s no sugar coating that. I’m sad, and both partners are sad, and Izzy already misses him. (So do I).  So I’ve cried and taken a nap with the dog, and now I thought – this is a good topic to talk about here. 

Managing a long distance relationship takes a lot of patience, trust, communication, and honesty.  I’m lucky with this relationship that it did not start out long distance (and hopefully won’t stay long distance) – so we had years and years living in the same town to establish a loving and trusting relationship before we had to be physically separated by a two-day drive.

Here are a few things to consider if you are thinking about entering into a long distance poly relationship.

  • First and foremost consider if you and your potential partner are trusting and trustworthy people. If trust isn’t there, the relationship is doomed from the start.
  • Consider how often you and your partner will be able to physically see each other? Weigh that carefully against how much time you need to see a partner for it to feel fulfilling to you. 
  • Consider things like physical distance, time zones, and work & family life schedules. Including other partners.
  • Talk about how much and what type of communication you need from your long distance partner. Do you need a phone call 3 times a day? Do you need to facetime 3 times a week?  Make sure you and your partner both clearly communicate this.
  • Talk about each of your expectations regarding dating and sex with new partners.
  • Communicate, communicate, communicate.
  • Brainstorm creative ways to keep you and your potential partner connected.


Long distance relationships happen all the time nowadays. There are millions of options to keep connected and have fun. But it takes a great deal of trust, honesty, and communication.

In a future blog, I’ll talk about some of the great ideas I’ve found to stay connected – including virtual date ideas.  I hope you’ll come back to check it out.





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